Saturday, April 7, 2007
They say that the older you feel the younger you are, in wisdom that is. I wonder if the opposite is also true- for I spend most of the time feeling afraid to face the world, for I'm too young, and the world so vicious.
Hey, I'm only fourteen, someone reminds me, but I feel that there's nothing else to learn about life. A sheer proof that there is... but life at fourteen can be pretty unmanagable. People do survive, there's living proof all around, but no explanations, no sympathy or empathy- specially not from your peers- and you wonder when you're next birthday's coming, and when it comes mourn about growing up.

I remember falling on bed two years back and sobbing (what with all the sorrows of a twelve year old) that I'll never forget what it felt like, and be kinder to others when the time came. But now, when the time's come, I find myself thinking cynically "what do you know of life, poor darlings, - or wait, is that me with all my troubles?"

Well, I guess I'll grow up one day, outgrow my problems and the entrenchments and disappointments that life offers, and think with disillusionment or enchantment, or both, of my childhood.

But I think I'll say it is a happy one.

Or is it was a happy one? Have I already passed that golden gate that signifies adulthood? (shudder) Is life as a gambolling kitten whose mistakes arouse only pity and laughter and affection and a pat finally past? Are frolicksome days to be looked upon with distaste? Am I past happiness?
No, that's something I won't believe. And I'll remember what it is to be fourteen- forever.


posted by Clezevra @ 11:18 AM  
  • At April 8, 2007 at 12:36 PM, Blogger boojam said…

    You are being a fourteen year old. Strange isn't it. not really a kid and not an adult. Trying to shake one off but not accepted into the world of the other. You are right in a sense that the older you get the younger you feel. Apologies if that is not how you quite put it.
    On aging, although one has the outward appearance of whatever age one is, one never ages mentally to the same degree. I think as I did when I was 25, I see as I did when I was 10, that does not change. I do not bow to advancing years. But they do advance and you cannot avoid the judgement and preconceptions of others. I am saying nothing new.
    Do not ever stop frolicking but don't expect ever to be beyond problems. Just use your experience and maturity to deal with them better. But deal with them. Calmly. And learn how to spell bureaucracy.

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